#1

Turns out… I haven’t started my journal yet. I know, I know.. I was so excited about it. But, do you know how hard it is to find a college ruled comp. notebook..? Well, if you don’t know just know this – it’s hard! And I probably should just get a regular notebook, right? Wrong! I need a compostion notebook. Nevertheless, I have good news…. Drumroll please. *imaginary drumroll starts* I HAVE INTERNET NOW!! *fireworks* *applause* *whistles* Stop, stop, stop. Hold your applause. So, what does this mean. Well… it means I can blog consistently now. And I probably don’t need a journal. (Eh, I still probably should get a journal.) Anyways.. If I had a journal at this very moment.. this is what I’d write in it:

 

#1 mar 14 2013

last night, i thought of love. and it’s probably because of that stupid movie, “dear john.” it’s crazy actually, how much i think of you when you are nowhere to be found. but.. i found your eyes in that movie. i found your touch. your smile. your laugh. your kiss. it burned my soul, in case you didn’t know. and i couldn’t help to think of the times i ran my fingers through your hair. or the times you would call me, “beautiful.” i don’t know. maybe it was just the effects of the movie talking straight to me. or maybe i’m fooling myself. i know life goes on. and i know it will go on with or without “us.” but, sometimes i just wonder what if you had your shit together back then. or what if we met on different terms. is it so bad to wonder about the what could have happened. what should have happened. nevertheless, the sky was gray last night as well. i heard the wind howl as the trees on my window begged me to let them in. i didn’t though. and i remember seeing love at the ends of my bed.. so, i balled up into the fetul position. i knew, if i let love near me.. i’d let in heartache and pain and hurt. and last night wasn’t the night for that. luckily, koalie called me at the right moment. we laughed a lot together! she always puts a smile on my face. she’s deeply cherished..more than she knows..more than i probably let on. it’s the defense mechanism, you know? it’s always on guard. *shrugs* what can i say. but, i’m beginning to ramble..so, i should probably bring this to a close. my final thought before i fell asleep, though – “was i your final though..”

lj hughes